Death of a dot. Resurrection of a soldier.

2008-07-30T20:24:00.001+08:00

born from darkness. lost from the light.
i'm leaving the world of light and losing myself in the darkness that i was born in.

dont look for me.
goodbye all.

2008-07-24T21:44:00.004+08:00

i've finally cleared my mind.

no more painful headaches and troubled thoughts.

i understand now, after so long...

i was being too human again.

being an empath is hard in this world so full of emotions.

i must distance myself from others
so i can understand them better.

For Now...
my short term goals:

stop bumming and study!
research on my dot project
become a vegan
complete my kingdom hearts game!! ~^_^~

long term goals...

take SATS
retake A's
get driving licence
start my own dot business

hm... numbers in my life now...
1day to friday! badminton! yay~~ 2days to kayaking!! 3days to sleeping day!!! 4days to new workplace.... sigh... 5days to 2nd day in new workplace... zzz...
.
..
...
gaaah!! there are no impt days after this week??
my life is really pathetic..
oh ya... 17days to pay day~~!!
and of cuz... right before that is....

NATIONAL DAY~!!
"43years of nationhood"
~an early Happy Birthday Singapore~

2008-07-22T21:43:00.001+08:00

i'm bummed.
the days are growing longer and nights are growing shorter...
i need rest. decent rest.

2008-07-15T23:33:00.003+08:00

my head hurts. badly. i need something strong.. something like a surgical painkiller.
anyone got some spare?

I've been thinking too much.

everyone says so, and i agree too.

my life is too filled with regrets and misery.

where are the happy and innocent days gone?

when did i last say goodbye to my halcyon days?

i seek solace in a sanctuary to escape reality...

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today was a tiring day. tmr is no different.
i need a end to my nightmare.

2008-07-14T20:01:00.004+08:00

the darkness within me seeks to draw me in...

and my bright side doesnt stop the flow.

i'm losing touch with myself.

my life is in a mess.

i need help.

2008-07-13T18:57:00.005+08:00

i've become stupid!! stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid...

I cant even solve an A.math question now!
damnit..
geez... i'm pathetic.

repeat to self:

i'm a loser. i'm pathetic. i'm a loser. i'm pathetic. i'm a loser. i'm pathetic. i'm a loser. i'm pathetic. i'm a loser. i'm pathetic. i'm a loser. i'm pathetic. i'm a loser. i'm pathetic. i'm a loser. i'm pathetic.

then again, i think i better start revising up my "critical thinking skills". no wonder i've been feeling dumb as days go by... i must study!

p/s. that's not me. i wish i had that sort of curly hair. then again.. maybe not..

2008-07-09T19:27:00.003+08:00

what are friends to you?
someone you can just abadon when you're done?
someone you can use when you need to?
who am i to you?
a friend?

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i've been labeled as EVIL! whee... that's something no one has called me before =D pretty good experience for future endeavours. haha

life has been dull all these while since i entered the bird watch. it has been birds, birds, birds and more birds.
magpies look cool with their full black coats... but their poop is always white.. (they have a bleaching machine inside them?)
pigeons coos way too much and they are always the annoying ones.. poops all around and makes a racket all day long... (people should start pigeon hunting instead...)

lory! darn. either they seriously have a grudge against me or i'm just too darn unlucky with them.

sparrows are strangely rare in my place. hardly see them around.

zzz.. why am i talking about birds now?....

ok. serious matters now. i've been bumming around for way too long and it's time to get my priorities right.

firstly.....

get a grip of myself.

secondly......

get my butt down to studying.

thirdly....

stop delaying and actually get my final design down.

and more..

wait... what was i talking about?
okay... fourth, cure my stm. i think i'll put that down as the top priority..
if i remember..

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2008-07-08T21:01:00.004+08:00

Home.
so comforting yet ever so daunting.
i fear going home.
yet i need to.
my sanctuary.
and my worst nightmare.

weary is my mind, tired is my soul and fatigued is my mind.

when will it end?

i wonder.

i've been getting tired day by day. for no apparent reason. my mind is dulling and my body isnt reacting to my commands. perhaps the worst is yet to come...

that aside, today was a pretty slow day. changi bird watch people came over to buzz around. we carried on with our usual stuff nevertheless.. gave the bird several sausages and a swiss roll. didnt disturb the bird much cause everyone was in a sleepy mood.. zzz...

i'm getting so sick of people asking me about my future... i failed my A's damnit. cant you people at least be more sensitive?
i'm dead tired.. and my bed is inviting me. how can i say no?

2008-07-07T22:16:00.002+08:00

dot is back. kinda reluctantly. but yea, back. After so long.. kinda like half a year?
haha

for people who have been checking my blog for updates.. sorry to have disappoint you.
i promise not to dump my blog again. (fingers crossed)

for people who hated me. sorry to tell you that i'm back.

anyone i missed out? gee.. smack me a message k? i'll be sure to put your name up =D

then again...
6months worth of events!! how on earth am i to cover everything?? hmmm...
ok....
so basically..

1) i'm serving ns now in case anyone still didnt realise..
2) i'm still drinking lots of tea and aint going to let anyone stop me from doing so..
3) i'm still single and intend to keep it that way for a long long time.
4) i'm in the bird watch and have been feeding them (the birds) sausages like nobody's business..
5) i have given up game programming since the last time i blogged.
6) i'm in desperate need of sleep lately and will not hesitate to oversleep even if i have an appoinment.

...crap. i'm outta words to say. i'll just leave it at here. buzzing off to sleep now. tmr is still work day... sigh... sausages again... ithink igonna bsick.

2008-01-12T00:11:00.000+08:00

been very lazy to update recently.. more engrossed in game designing..
currently game design "tankwars" second phase. trying to add more weapons..

but basically.. this week went by quite fast..
mon-did nth
tues-did nth
wed-yy's birthday, but did nth
thurs-minyi's birthday, but did nth. went to have a game with melis's friends. met a couple of nice peeps.. was invited for dinner on sat.
fri- bought a new badminton racket. had to advance cash withdrawal from my first ns paycheck. got nagged a lot for that... but the racket is quite nice.. had a few games with the racket. quite good gameplay. i won two solo matches. pretty neat eh? haha
sat... going to teach tuition in morn till aftnn, having dinner with melis's friends and if God permit... a whole night worth of life football telecast. gosh. that's what i call a good day. haha

2008-01-07T14:45:00.000+08:00

i've tried...
to be the best that i can ever be.
this is..
the last time,
i'll live for the sake of being with you

my strength..
has failed me,
everytime i looked into your eyes

I just need to know..
whatever has happened.
the truth will free my soul

2008-01-05T22:45:00.000+08:00

~
came back on friday feeling extremely tired. hence.. no time to update blog and fell asleep.
friday was very very great! everyone was in super high spirits when the orientation was near to an end. ok la.. i went to pjc at 7am and for the next 7hours i was just designing envelopes above the hall. didnt talk to the J1s at all... zzz. but heyy~ the envelopes look good (kinda)

tried my best to design them but ah well.. guess my whole night was wasted on designing them. didnt sleep a wink on thurs..
but after all that designing.. i went to join them for songs and then later clan time. helped abit with the clan dance. and yea, watched them eat dinner later. their food looked good~ but as usual, mr tong barred all "unrelated personal" from enjoying the food as "the food ordered was just for "teachers, J1s and OGLs". bugger.. but dont think i minded much, wasnt very hungry anyway~
met mrs yeo during dinner time~ glad to see her still doing fine and all. she offered to let me play her travian account which i respectfully declined seeing that i quit playing that for a month le.. but even so.....
anyway~ here's some pics and vids of the D&D:

the entire canteen full of J1s and OGLs (they're all wearing the same shirt......)
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songs were sang and peeps sang enthusiastically, seeing that it was probably the last time they are together~
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saw pat and the 7th student council peeps around 5plus and they stayed on till the mass dance ended~ everyone looked fine~ haha =D afterwhich we (og11) took some group photos too. could only get 1 of them but it's better than nothing i guess~~

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later, the ogls had their debriefing. dunno why i stayed on and joined them... but they talked a fair bit.. shared some views and comments.. then all of them went off to tidy up the school (hall and canteen only~)
afterwhich, DELTA clan took some photos too~ haha =) and the council gave free miss donuts's donuts~

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kinda random but heyy~ it's for remembrance sake~
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and thus, friday ended with the o1 being a great success! good job to all those involved! haha =D
as what mr tong and mrs tan put it.. "this orientation was the best in these 3 years that they are involved in." -.-'' dots...
~
and now for today...
went to teach tuition at 10plus.. people started to trickle in over time with xin hui being the last to arrive during our lunch time (approx 2pm)

total head count at 10am: 1
total head count at 12nn: 3
total head count at 1pm: 5
total head count at 3pm: 5 (+ 1 - 1)
total head count at 6pm: 5
total head count at 8pm: 3
ended at 9pm when the library closed..
~

2008-01-03T22:17:00.000+08:00

second day of o1~!
wanted to go over at 7am... but i preferred not to listen to the boring talks... hence, went at 11plus..
bought some chocs for the group on the way to school~
anyway, met miss ng went i entered pj and talked abit.. geez.. she went backpacking in aussie during dec hols~ for 3 whole weeks!! and alone too!! grr.. want to do that too! hmhm~
but moving back, the day was very fun and very packed too. had to rush a fair bit though..
guess the J1s are starting to warm up during the games~ they were so enthu about it they practically were rushing off to the next venue. haha =D
the mass dance was... hmmm... quite messy.. as usual (like with all other ppl) the dance wasnt learnt that easily.. and with all the rushing.. it turned out to be like a hoard of people jumping in the hall....
but the ending was very anti-climax... mr tong (as usual) went on with his speech on safety regards during the game.. ok la.. i do agree the J1s played far too wild.. but even so.. sigh..
tmr is the last day of o1.. geez.. everything moved in a blur.. hope i feel like going tml~ haha
kk.. tmr got pics. today didnt bring camera...

2008-01-02T21:02:00.000+08:00

first day of school! (for others)

went back to pjc today for some fun. got caught in the traffic jam. hence, was late.
was glad so many teachers still recognised me and naturally, they pulled me aside to ask the same qn: what are you doing in school?
having self-declared a J3, and introducing myself as mr dot to several J1s (and J2s as well)....
then i went about bugging people. talked to a few people, knew a few ppl better, and made some new friends as well.
took a few pics of pjc...

the outdoor stage^
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the track and field^
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and presenting to you... the JC1 cohort!! only 600 peeps!! that's like half of the current J2s~!
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and of cuz, shy OGLs!~ nah~ actually that's yanbing and her friend.. haha

hmmm.. having nothing to do since i was the only joker running about, i joined og11~
and here's a very random clip of their OGLs presenting their clan:

and there's actually some more clips but... due to the request from the main actress, i decided not to put it up.
hence day 1 ended kinda ok. day 2 should be better... hopefully. haha

p.s. J1s really dont know how to loosen up!! gosh.. they need a serious change of mindset really..

2008!!!

2008-01-01T15:25:00.000+08:00

it's a brand new year!
since each new year must have new resolutions...
here's mine:
1) be nice to everyone
2) survive bmt and the rest of army life
3) dont break down when receiving A'level results.
4) become fully adept in Tamil, Malay and C++
5) try to have at least 4k by end of the year (in the bank)
6) 6-pack or 4-pack at least
7) smile more
8) go for lasik operation (highly impossible... but heyy~ it's a dream)

hopefully this year offers more delightful surprises than disappointing results.
but ppl often say a hope is still a hope... nothing to be hopeful about..
ah well.. wth..

Recollections before a new year

2007-12-31T20:17:00.000+08:00

today is the last day of the year 2007. A'levels ended quickly. JC life ended too. many things ended...
in remembrance of 2007, lets recount some things done this year. namely important ones.
jan: orientation 1. ogl life was fun. met interesting ppl.
feb: nothing significant
mar: common test. failed gp. failed many other subjects too.
apr: robo grand prix. won some prizes.
may: don rmb anything..
june: mid-year exams. saddest moment of my life. i was ranked 6th from the bottom of a 600ppl cohort
july: pjc won 2nd placing for the first time in her history for micromouse. helped abit.
aug: celebrated my 18th birthday
sept: prep for A's
oct: seriously panicked.
nov: A's
dec: pat kissed a fish.

actually lets go into detail for the last month. event happened today at 6.20pm.
pat asked me to go fishing at 4 plus. as usual, it's one of his brilliant ideas to waste time.

i caught the first fish. but it got away before pat got the camera from my bag.
then pat equalized the score by catching his.

nice fish. soon, he caught his second one.

i caught my second fish later...

pat shocked me when u caught his third fish just minutes later. not that it was much but well.. it's still a fish..

then he did something stupid. he bet he couldn't catch his fourth fish and make the score 4-2. and so he said: "if the score becomes 4-2, i'm going to kiss the fish."
and kiss the fish he did.

kinda gross but heyy, at least it wasnt me kissing the fish.
perfect way (for pat) to end this year with something to rmb about.
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since it's only 3 hours or less to the new year. i'm wishing everyone a great year ahead and enjoy yourselves fully.
to guys out there entering ns, good luck dudes. to girls out there who just finish A's this yr.. get a job yo~ you got months before uni life starts.

2007-12-30T22:31:00.000+08:00

Yaaaayy~!
it's finally over! the performance successfully concluded just hours ago.
it was damn siok ah! haha XD
four performances in two days and heyy~ everything turned out pretty well.
too bad i cant go for the batam performance... zzz
i'm waiting for the photos.. but dont think they will be coming up anytime soon.. haha
and yea. got the sudden urge to join he-xin shouyu team. those sis and bros really look awesome! haha =D

just realised that tmr will be the last day of 2007. and final end to everything and a new beginning for anything. hope all the bad luck will go away and by any chance... my platoon would be quite alright.

yep. 2008. come as you may and whatever will happen will happen.
cheers to you~ =D

2007-12-28T23:11:00.000+08:00

tmr is the big day.
the one we have been waiting for. the one we have been practising for weeks.
NOTHING can go wrong... i hope..

just had practice earlier on and everyone seemed to be sufficiently confident.
the performance tmr..
there's rumours about the Da Ai TV crew coming down...
and there's going to be around a hundred people below the stage..

reminder to self: try not to burst out into laughter when on stage.

2007-12-27T00:45:00.000+08:00

actually there's nothing to write. since nothing happened.
christmas came and went. now it's boxing day. nothing happened.
the hand-sign practice for the performance during the weekend was as usual. nothing interesting happened.
tried to learn how to use game maker. didnt do anything interesting yet.
piano practice every morning. still playing the same keys. trying to figure out how to coordinate both hands. again no progress.

ok. one thing happened;
i've been thinking lately and it seems that the more the world is filled with people, the more despair there is. there's political chaos from thailand to parkistan. there's strained relationships between countries all over the world. people are being indoctrinated with the idea that they are always in the right and cant seem to accept the truth beneath the lies.
if only everyone could realise that they are all humans; homosapiens with the same red blood that flow in their bodies.
if only everyone could realise that material gains can only go thus far; after gaining something, there's still so much more out there.. so when does it end?
if only everyone could learn to give a little bit more; the world would be a better place for us. it has been said that if 10 of the world's richest men pooled their entire wealth together, world hunger would be resolved.
if only everyone understood how the joy of others is the greatest joy to self; the world would see an end to all wickedness and evil..

if only...

2007-12-23T21:57:00.000+08:00

went to vivo for the first time today. seen a superstar virgo cruise ship for the first time. saw the singapore cable car for the third time in my life. as for the sentosa merlion.. was that the second time? hmm~
vivo was bigger than i thought.. at least for each level. if the mall had several more levels.. that would have made it the largest shopping mall in SEA..

what actually happened was... i went late. my friend came even later. had to watch little kids splash around in water to pass time.
when my friend came.. my hp batt died. thus making our meeting even more challenging. but after meeting up and deciding what to eat, which took around half an hour.., we went white dog restaurant. i ate steak while she had mushroom soup and baked rice with chicken. food tasted good and the ambiance was excellent; at least until the point where more people came in..

then i realized i forgot to bring my camera along.. darn. could have taken photos to post..

2007-12-22T22:13:00.000+08:00

been extremely sick the past few days. health has deteriorated drastically..
had to skip badminton practice and sleep all day.
but on another note..
i left my job without notice. it was a total ripoff on students. hope no one else falls for the same scam.. customer service was never door-to-door sales in the first place; and never will be. the funny bugger actually talked in a big loop only to reveal, after 3 days, that the job was sales..
heck.. i'm swearing off sales for as long as i'm alive.

today is the 22th of december again.. it's her birthday once more.
every year at this day.. i actually put aside everything just to ponder over what i've done.
but to her... i'm but a mere eyesore. still.. i wished her happy birthday nonetheless. it's the least i could do as a friend.

tomorrow is another day closer to Christmas!! though i dont celebrate .. it's still a festive occasion! i'm still trying to design some thing out... but it's failing spectacularly..sigh..

2007-12-18T22:05:00.000+08:00

went for a job interview today~ strangely.. by some cruel coincidence or so... the company happened to be my brother's previous workplace; which he quit within two days..

anyway.. i woke up late. reached 30minutes late. but got approved. got to take some weird 45min test tmr... to get the job. wth... the boss didnt even state the salary yet.. hope it's reasonable at the very least..

2007-12-16T23:56:00.000+08:00

been too bored to update. so in short:

friday was monotonous. played pokemon from morning to night. then went to play badminton. surprise surprise~ my skills still havent weakened after 3 weeks of inactivity.

saturday was dull. didnt play much. spent most of the time on designing stuff. ended up getting loads of weird, funny ideas which were totally not feasible. scrapped the whole thing altogether in the end.

sunday got along peacefully. was raining the whole day. went to learn piano from a friend at 4.30pm. bought chocs as a present and ended up getting back more chocs. learned part of the main theme from jay's movie "secret". realised my hand-eye coordination was impossibly lousy. been practising again at night.

this week's going to be another boring week. hope something pop's up and give me some fun.

2007-12-13T22:45:00.000+08:00

run a couple of miles earlier in the night. nearly outta breath..
guess i'm getting fat and out of shape again.
...
had a honeydew soyamilk on the way home~
saw my neighbour and her girl just seconds ago. dotz.. she was one shy girl really.. the little girl i mean. here's their pic~

~cute eh?
dotz back to work. gotta design something out by tonight!!

2007-12-13T15:57:00.000+08:00

cooked spaghetti today.
made quite a impressive mess in the kitchen and the spaghetti turned out to be quite..er.. edible.
spent 10minutes to cook. 5minutes to eat. and 30min to clean up the mess.
ah well....

2007-12-12T22:23:00.000+08:00

first blog entry... testing one two.. erlo..?